Divorce Coaching Q&A
Get Answers to the most popular asked questions...
According to the American Bar Association, divorce coaching is a flexible, goal-oriented process designed to support, motivate and guide people going through divorce to help them make the best possible decisions for their future based on their particular interests, needs and concerns.
Anyone at any stage of their marriage/divorce can benefit from the services of a divorce coach. Whether you are just thinking about getting a divorce, already in the midst of a divorce or have been divorced for years, a certified divorce coach can help you get on track if you’re feeling lost, overwhelmed or stuck.
CDC Certified Divorce Coaches are trained professionals who abide by a strict code of standards and ethics to provide confidential help and support to individuals struggling with aspects of divorce. Divorce coaches are trusted thinking partners who back up their clients with strength, support, knowledge, guidance, encouragement, hope, motivation and more.
Divorce incorporates every aspect of our lives.
On one hand there is the emotional, mental, psychological, physical, sexual, spiritual and social/community aspects of the decision, process and healing that comes from contemplating, approaching, managing, surviving and healing from the divorce journey.
Then, on the opposite side of divorce is the legal, financial, residential, lending/mortgage, parenting, career, insurance, tax ramifications and court procedural red tape of the divorce process.
These two worlds rarely collide on paper but in our hearts and minds they linger and fester. It is best to get reasonable help for divorce and never go it alone. 70% of divorce is filed by women. The average amount of time women contemplate divorce internally before they share their feelings with anyone is two years.
There are also 6 common methods of divorcing and each one has very different stages or procedures. DIY, mediation, collaboration, arbitration, litigation and more process are all methods that have their pros and cons.
Once a decision is made by one or both parties, one party must file with the court system… but if another method of divorce is tried filing does not need to happen officially until a formal agreement is made.
If a traditional route of litigation is chosen (without trial) the court process is 1) Petition 2) Response 3) Decree Nisi 4) Order/Decision 5) Final Decree Absolute (A divorce agreement)
Historically it is thought infidelity is the number one reason couples choose to divorce… but statistics tell us 80% of couples that experience infidelity are able to with proper and effective therapy and treatment recover fully.
Money issues (secrecy, excessive spending, financial loss and financial control) are unfortunately a greater problem.
Unresolved conflict and manipulative tactics of abuse and control are very difficult to recover from and in most cases if left alone and untreated cause angst and deterioration.
When one or both parties are contemplating the decision to divorce it leads to deep conflicting emotions of guilt, shame, blame, confusion, embarrassment, sadness, anxiety, fear of the unknown, financial secrecy, denial, anger, resentment, victimhood, negative coping mechanisms, gossip, projection, gaslighting, lying, inability to manage emotions and bad decision making.
Finding and working with an experienced expert certified divorce coach and consultant can help tremendously.
It isn’t divorce that damages kids it is the manner in which their parents handle the entire process that affects them.
If both parents can learn to understand the negative effects of the words they speak and actions they display most children will recover from the breakup of the family as they knew it.
Divorce isn’t about blame, it’s about change.
Children typically do not like change. It takes them time to adapt and feel secure and safe.
Children thrive on routine and knowing they are not to blame and feel safe, secure, loved and that both parents will always still be their parents. Consider working with an experienced child divorce therapist, family divorce therapist and certified divorce coach that can help you and your family manage conflict and create a healthier environment for the children to thrive.
It all begins with a complimentary discovery session. During this time, the client shares their main concerns and the coach explores with the client how coaching can be an effective and productive means to a successful solution/goal/remedy/outcome. After the discovery session, a client can choose if they would like to proceed with individual coaching sessions or a package of coaching sessions. Coaching sessions are interactive, thought provoking and action oriented, so clients gain insight, perspective and action steps for moving forward.
That all depends on the services the client desires. Most coaches offer different packages to choose from and charge significantly less than therapists and lawyers. Furthermore, a coach provides clients with valuable resources and tools to prepare them for the legal process which will ultimately save them time and money on legal fees.
Sessions can be held in person at the coach’s office or remotely. Coaches often make themselves available for daytime and evening hours and frequently remain “on call” for their clients.